Lesson 2: Sacrifices are easy... yea right!

Like I stated before learning to make sacrifices is a key element needed when striving for a good marriage with a coach as your husband/fiance. I had gone all year at school not being able to talk to Brent until 8 sometimes even 10 at night, this was a sacrifice in my opinion. I would go weeks without seeing him and when I could it was from the stands of the game and then after he returned back to the house, late. Saturdays consisted of practice sometimes until 2 pm. This was another sacrifice I had learned to make. I was well accustomed to these new changes I was having to learn to make. Looking back now I know God was preparing me for one of the biggest sacrifices I would have to learn to 'live with' as a new coach's wife.

I had always heard that marrying a coach would be tough. Many men and women have told me that it takes a lot of patience, understanding and love to stay married to a coach. I know of many coaches that have broken marriages because of the stress, time demanded on the job and time away from their family. I believe marriage is a ONE time thing. I am marrying Brent, no one else and if that means he has to be gone from some things I will understand, love and support him. Although I may cry, be upset and frustrated because of the sacrifice I will have to make and in the future his children will have to endure as well. This does not mean my love for him will ever die.

After talking to these couples I began to think 'Oh I can do this, I have learned to make sacrifices before. My dad was a minister, they had long work hours and many things conflicted with prior engagements.' 'I am used to giving up my Saturdays and Friday nights during football season, as well as every day during baseball season. Besides I love watching him coach!' Well as baseball season rolled around and I received the schedule and I began filling in the games on my personal calendar, good coach's wife right?! Well as I moved towards the end of the schedule I saw the TBA Playoff dates, then it hit me... the tough sacrifices that I thought I had already mastered had yet to begin. May 7, 2011= Playoff game for his team as well as my college graduation day, 3 1/2 hours away. Needless to say I was crushed already as baseball season had begun. I kept thinking 'maybe they won't go very far, maybe he can still come. Maybe the other coach's would let him take this game off to be there for me on MY big day.' As time progressed so did the team, towards the playoffs. My heart sank deeper and deeper with utter disappointment.

Once people started finding out about Brent not being able to come to my graduation the criticism began flying in like flies at a picnic! I stood my ground, never cried (in public) and stated that educationally times are tough, everyone has to fight for himself to keep their job. This just happens to be what Brent has to do in order to keep his job. I knew I couldn't ask him to give up this opportunity of his job to come to my graduation. I was trying not to be selfish, although this was very difficult for me to do. Brent was very supportive and sweet through this whole ordeal, as well as our families and closest friends. I believe God gave me little sacrifices along the way to prepare my heart for this big test of true love and act of commitment to this relationship.

As the days got closer my friend, Jessica, made many efforts to help my mind stay astray from this incident. Which had worked until that day full of mixed emotions; joy and excitement to graduate, see all of my family but then disappointment for the love of my life being at a baseball game instead of my college graduation, a one time event! I woke up early and cried in bed. Whew! It was out of my system and I kept my mind busy and didn't think about him not being there. It wasn't until I was lined up for graduation and walking into the chapel towards my seat and looked at my family that I almost broke down crying like a newborn baby. I kept my composure and knew Brent would want me to be strong, which is what he said to me at 7:30 when he called me to congratulate me and encourage me for the day.

THIS was my first true sacrifice as a new coach's wife, yet I haven't even been given the ranking of a wife yet, I am still a fiance!

Lesson 1: learning to make sacrifices

I have never blogged before but I have been reading others blogs and see that they seem so free from everything after writing.

I want to share my thoughts and feelings through my journey of learning to be a coach's wife.

I am engaged to an amazing man, who happens to be a coach. Everyone always said "Are you sure you want to marry a coach?" "Do you know what you're getting yourself into?" "He will never be home or there when you need him most." My answer to all of these questions have been yes; I know what I am getting myself into, I want to marry a coach and I know he won't always be home, but that's ok. Being a coach is something meaningful and life-altering that most people don't know. A coach makes a difference in many lives everyday, even without knowing it. I have seen this first hand over the last year of watching Brent coach. This reminds me that it is worth it to know the man of my dreams is influencing the lives of many young men. He has been the godly role model many have needed to see as a young coach this has more of an impact because they relate more than to the 'older' coaches around the same age of their parents.

I can't lie and say that this has been the easiest first year or the best, BUT I can say that I know I can't have Coach Morris all to myself and have to remember the key lesson from kindergarten: "You need to learn to share." I had to learn to share my time with the players. This was not the easiest thing to do while I was finishing up school and 3 1/2 hours away from  my best friend. It made life really easy for Brent to commit to his new job and show the district what type of coach he was without me being there to distract him and take away from that commitment. Although there were many nights I was exhausted and impatiently waiting to talk to the one person I needed the most but had to wait until about 9 every night! This was annoying because I finished with my day around 4 everyday. I wish I could have him there for my every need, time of crisis and exciting moment but I quickly learned that SACRIFICE is the  first thing I have to learn to deal with as a coach's wife.

Sacrifice- something given up. This is not necessarily a bad thing. I have to be willing to give up time I want for time the players need. Not all players have the best home life, supporting parents or a godly role model. If I can give up time with my coach who has all of those aspects  to contribute to the lives of those players who need him more I would be selfish by demanding his every aspect of attention and time. Especially with today's economy and crisis for jobs in the education world Brent needs to make every effort to keep his job and therefore we both have to make sacrifices. Sacrifices are never easy but I understand that they have to be made. This is still a concept though that I am trying to be supportive and more understanding about.

I have the privilege of having a coach's wife that I can watch, model and learn from. Brent's uncle is the A.D (athletic director) for the district and his wife is an amazing godly woman who has offered much support and comfort already through this journey. It is nice knowing there are other women out there that have the same concerns, frustrations and disappointments that I face as a 'little coach's wife' learning how to handle this lifestyle.